Loving people is a stupid idea

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Love is dumb.

There. I’ve said it. Surely we have better things to do, like look after ourselves and our own. Makes me kind of wish we were like cats, or lions or something, you know: had babies, grew them up, killed animals, ate them, made babies, moved on, died. You don’t see cats getting all emotional because they wanted to share their kibble with the neighbour’s cat and the neighbour’s cat said no. You don’t see cats caring about much at all, actually.

Some people are like that. We can all, if the truth be told, be like that. We’re all selfish, demanding creatures who love salty food and warm beds and someone who shares the couch and lets us do our own things. It’s considered normal, and considered The Way Things Are.

That’s the way it was for me, really. Until some crazy lady did a Rachel Stewart number on me, and helped me when I’d fallen over in the middle of the race.

Rachel Who?

I don’t know if Rachel Stewart remembers the grade five athletics carnival. I don’t know if the friend she stopped for just before the end of the 100m sprint to help back to her feet again remembers the grade five athletics carnival either, but I do know that those two women, nearly thirty years later, are still friends. She stopped. Rachel Stewart was our fastest runner, and she stopped before the end to help her friend that was down. That’s love. That’s when you know that Rachel Stewart knew what meant more than some poxy ribbon on a pin.
That’s what love is.

She didn’t need to. Nobody needs to do a Rachel. In fact, Rachel Stewart didn’t need to do a Rachel, and when she did it it was Dumb dumb de dumb dumb, and she lost the race.

And once upon a time that crazy woman who did a Rachel on me knew what it meant as well. I drove her crazy. A few times. I probably put her through hell and back a few times as well, and I even did the famous SDCU* on her and decided that I’d stuffed things up so badly I could never ever love anybody again.

We do that. We all do that. We turn to our Rachel Stewarts and give them the finger and then we beat them in the next race and not think about it till it’s too late and we can only hope to God they might forgive us, and then we swear we’re never ever going to race again, poxy ribbon or no.

Tell you what, I’m glad that once upon a time God did a Rachel Stewart number on me. He did all right. And that’s the only reason I’m back lining up for the race at the moment.I’m back there on the old New Norfolk oval staring down the white lines on the grass and eyeing off the sports teacher holding the ribbon, and just a bit worried that that starter gun is a real one.

I’m going to run.
I’m looking at the people who are racing with me. None of us are that great, or that pretty, or that cool any more. And none of us are ever going to make the Olympics.
but together we’re running this race we call life, and this time I know, because I will always remember the ones who stopped for me, that no matter which one of us falls, I’M gonna be the one this time to stop and do a Rachel.

Care to join me?

*Super-dooper cock-up. See the last blog post.

270 thoughts on “Loving people is a stupid idea”

    • Hugs back to you, beautiful one.
      Yes, often it’s not the ones you expect. You are always the one who does that. Hope you’re finding people who are doing it for you now xxxxx

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  4. It is okay to ask questions of God. It makes us better, more reflective people. God answers anonymously through coincidences that happen in our life. You rock sista!

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    • Thank you! And you’re absolutely right – people are so afraid of questioning God sometimes. One of the best pieces of advice anyone has ever given me was “go ahead and tell God how you feel, and be honest. He’s big enough to cope”.

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      • Many thinks God is bullshit, though. To hell with praying. But as Father Rohn, a character from the movie Sympathy Delicious, says – I would say ‘hello’ first and then tell him He’s bullshit and you’re pissed off.

        Anyway, I love this post. Thanks. So inspired here.

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  5. I know what you mean. The real love I have in my life comes from a woman that has never judged me, given me advice without making me feel stupid, and is okay that people think we’re a gay couple when we hang out with her and her baby girl.

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    • Good question. I had something to say to a friend – a word of encouragement, but I’ve got a history of saying these things and then feeling dumb and stressing about whether I’d been misunderstood, or sometimes BEING misunderstood, and if I’m feeling a bit low it can get on top of me…I think that’s called being neurotic. But anyway. I was having a low day, and I suddenly thought “I can’t deal with the thought of that pressure. I could just NOT say anything at all”, and then it occurred to me…what I wrote.
      I sent the letter. It went down fine. And, misunderstood or not, I will keep sending them. I have to trust that people know my heart even when I stuff the words up, and that sometimes someone reaching out in love is all we really need.

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  8. So inspirational! What a good story. We sometimes get caught up in everything else around us we forget to love and be a little selfless. It feels good to be reminded. Thanks for that.

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  11. i initially thought that your blog was sad and not optimistic. but then as i read it through to the end it changed. i like your thought processes they sound similar to mine and therefore i would love to follow your blog and continue to hear your perspectives. i also invite you to check mine out and respond. i would like to get another opinion and to me yours seems valid.

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    • Thank you, and thanks for following. I’d love to check out your blog too. I read the one about the shooting in Colorado (so tragic) and I loved your response to it. Keep writing 🙂

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  12. I liked your blog..nice story. Yes, it does feel like it would be easier to love no one…much easier, no worries, etc. You must read The Giving Tree by SHel Silverstein if you have not. I think you’ll enjoy it. It appears to be a children’s book, but it is for all of us. Also The Missing Piece and The Missing Piece Meets the Big O, also by the same author. Profound books…like your blog.
    You can check out my blog at http://meddlingmom.wordpress.com
    Keep writing!

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  20. I really like the way you write love and an incident in school athletic event as analogy. It’s beautiful and inspiring. Thanks for writing this! 🙂

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    • Glad you enjoyed it, thanks for letting me know. Funny how old old memories can be useful later in life – sometimes I wonder why I keep so many old memories like that…now I know!

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  23. Great post. Made me realize that I need to do this too. There have been people who have stopped for me but I’hv just kept running ahead without looking back at them..

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    • Yup. Funny thing, that. No matter how much we long to love and be loved, stepping out of your comfort zone ALWAYS feels stupid, and risky, and dumb. Be proud of it, I say!

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  25. Reblogged this on espbnews and commented:
    There. I’ve said it. Surely we have better things to do, like look after ourselves and our own. Makes me kind of wish we were like cats, or lions or something, you know: had babies, grew them up, killed animals, ate them, made babies, moved on, died. You don’t see cats getting all emotional because they wanted to share their kibble with the neighbour’s cat and the neighbour’s cat said no. You don’t see cats caring about much at all, actually.

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  26. I often say, “I know not what God is, but what God is not.” Perhaps the same can be said of love: “I know not what love is, but what love is not.”

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    • Love means the relation with other it may be girlfriend relation , family relation,social relation and other.Otherwise I can say that who do not know love it do not know anything in the world.

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      • It’s a big one, hey. Too often we think of love as a warm and gooey feeling that makes US feel nice, but it’s about giving ourselves to others more than anything. And Scott I think you’re right – the only real way to unpack what love is is to experience what its isn’t.

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    • Thanks for reading. And yes, can you imagine a world without love? Sometimes it feels like the one we have is like that – and then something happens that absolutely surprises you, and makes everyone’s day a little warmer. Bless you.

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  28. “You don’t see cats getting all emotional because they wanted to share their kibble with the neighbour’s cat and the neighbour’s cat said no. You don’t see cats caring about much at all, actually”. But we do “share” much. Very cool, thank you for sharing!

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  31. Incredibly inspirational, a real breath of fresh air in a normally selfish society. I shall do my best to “do a Rachel” x x

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  32. fucking over people is so much easier and often fun

    [today’s word is: hyperbolic]

    we are not all selfish. please stop conflating self interest with selfishness.

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  34. Love this post and the fact that so many people are appreciating it too 🙂 Just started a blog and its the same sort of style, so far I’ve had three hits and I’m pretty sure they are all me… so have a read and if people enjoy it then I’ll keep going. xx

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    • Thanks Rosa! Yeah it’s a funny thing starting a blog. I just started this one two weeks ago, not really sure what I wanted to say…I’ve obviously found it 🙂
      If it’s any encouragement, WordPress doesn’t record hits by you (I checked with mine), so people are reading it. I just followed you, too. I love learning the blogging journey with others. Thanks for reading!

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  35. I really liked your loving people is a stupid idea. I was hit by a truck in my motorized wheelchair in 2005 and quite a few people did a “Rachel” by surrounding me so that I wouldn’t be hurt further until the ambulance arrived. I landed about five feet from my crumpled wheelchair and could not see the approximately eight or nine people that surrounded me due to the pain in my body and my head, and I could barely see. What o did see stays etched in my mind. An old lady’s push cart and groceries lying in the street. her milk spilled and dripping while she went to help surround me along with the other people that surrounded me that I could not see. Had those people not stopped in their race of life ling enough to help me I doubt seriously if I would have all my body parts today. I fear I would have been struck by oncoming traffic in a busy part of las Vegas where the accident occurred. I am very glad today for the nameless faceless, to me, people that decided to stop what they were doing long enough to help me. I am grateful for all the “Rachels” out there who decide winning their own race isn’t as important as helping someone else stay in the race for life.

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    • Oh wow, that’s an awful thing to have happen Janine! I’m so glad people stopped for you. I’ve heard that it’s not uncommon in big cities for people not to want to get involved. Wow. All the best.

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  36. You clearly know absolutely nothing about animals in general and cats in particular, who are highly strung, sensitive creatures with individual personalities just like humans. Am not inspired by what you wrote – don’t need a GOD creature to tell me not to be selfish or to deliberately hurt others, I wasn’t brought up that way. Instead, my family taught me to take responsibility for my own actions and value those most vulnerable in society. Treat others as you would like to be treated yourself. Very simple, no religious mambo jambo required.

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    • You’re right about cats – I’m a cat person. My only defense is that I wrote this off the top of my head and did NOT expect so many people to read it…or I probably would have taken a bit more care in editing.
      I’d have to say in all honesty I was brought up to treat others that way as well. At the age of ten, when this incident occurred, I thought I was doing a great job of it, too. I didn’t bully or tease, I helped people out. I’ll never forget the feeling of shock at Rachel’s action though, and the revelation that no matter how loving I thought I was being, I’d never sacrificed myself for others at all like that. Big difference…for me, at least.

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  43. Really inspirational. I loved the Rachel idea! You find very few in this world who would actually stop for you in the middle of this race. Now, for sure, I am going to be the Rachel for a while.. 🙂 Congrats on being Freshly Pressed!

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    • Thank you. I’m glad it’s meant something to you. I think we all need a reminder once in a while – I know I do, especially when it involves sacrifice. All the best!

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  44. Awesome! it is realy remind me of one verse of quran when God Allah said ”
    – And when My servants question thee concerning Me, then surely I am nigh. I answer the prayer of the suppliant when he crieth unto Me. So let them hear My call and let them trust in Me, in order that they may be led aright.[2:186]

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  45. Well, I’ve never had to help anyone up, but once in high school, I was exempt from the 2nd mile of the semester, having done well enough on the 1st. But a girl in my class that NOBODY liked had failed it, so she had to run it again and I caught her crying in the locker room. It was just her and one guy – who had been absent. So I ran with her and encouraged her the entire way. She passed it (barely) and it was the best mile I ever ran. 🙂

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    • That’s amazing, well done for being that one for her. I remember there were two kids in my school that NOBODY liked, and it never ever would have occurred to me as a kid that I could – or should – do that for them. I didn’t think about those kids for years, but one day as an adult I ran into one of them while working and I felt so bad at the ostracization that we as a school had justified. I went out of my way that day to be friendly to her and warm, and I prayed for her – like I’m doing now, too. I can’t imagine the wounds we unthinkingly inflicted on them. I bet your girl in High school will always remember you ran with her too.

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