If I knew how to be perfect…

Ever thought you’d like to be a robot? I have. I think it’d be a good option some days (like, oh…let’s see…today!) when instead of Enough Sleep I could press my “boost” button, and I’d churn through all the work I needed to do sequentially and in an organized fashion, and I’d never EVER be sideswiped by those pesky Feelings.

I stare into space too much. I daydream far too much. Tiredness makes me look at the patterns in the mess rather than thinking what I should do about it…or, even better, doing something about it.

Tiredness tears down my defences and makes me feel guilty for “not doing it right” – whatever “right” is. Tiredness makes me forget I’m me, and not a robot, and that even though I have weaknesses, I have strengths as well.

Today I feel guilty for being undisciplined, although as I write this I’m reminding myself that I’ve been blogging consistently three times a week for the last couple of months – because I’ve disciplined myself. I’ve herded and motivated three children into school and learning and home reading and craft and cooking and swimming and numerous things – because I’ve disciplined myself. I’ve got money in a savings account and my bills paid and I’m not bankrupt – because I’ve disciplined myself. I’ve “felt the fear and done it anyway” on so many levels – because I’ve disciplined myself.

I guess I’m okay. I am.

I hung out with a bunch of girlfriends yesterday* (at my Perfect Friend’s house…well, one of them. I have two. But I love them all the same. This is the perfect friend who once complained to me that after an hour or two of housework that her place didn’t look any different to when she first started…and I agreed with her. Unfortunately for me HER house started clean and ended that way. But I digress…). We talked about another one of our mutual friends (oh, I have THREE perfect friends. Oh my), and about how well she’s going homeschooling her nine (yes, I said NINE) children, and the systems and rosters and structures and achievements, and how pig-in-mud happy she is, how madly pig-in-mud happy they ALL are. We were all quiet for a moment, and then my perfect friend said “But it doesn’t make me feel bad!” and we all nodded far too wildly, not only to tell her that she Shouldn’t feel bad, but because we felt the same way. Our nine-children-OMG-homeschooling friend is doing nothing but what she’s good at and loving it, and she’s not trying to do anything else.

We often feel bad about ourselves, not because we’re not robots, but because we’re trying to be someone we’re not. It’s time to celebrate who we are, not feel the guilt of who we’re not.

I’m good at art. I’m good at writing. I’m good at finding patterns in the mess, not only in the mess on the floor, but in the chaos of people’s lives. I’m good at finding the hope in a bad situation. I’m good at encouraging people to live through the mess and love it anyway.

What about you? What are you good at today?

*I found out yesterday too that another one of my friends vacuums her dog. Yes. That’s right. Yes, that’s exactly what I thought too.

She has a golden retriever. I felt a mad urge to buy her a Chihuahua. Image

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12 thoughts on “If I knew how to be perfect…

  1. Ha,I can’t even get my vacuum anywhere near my dog… You’re perfect as your are Megan 🙂 that’s what we should all be embracing, we’re perfect in our imperfections.

  2. Hi Megan just can’t get past that dog anecdote – totally bizarre. My staffs has been taught (not by me) to attack said cleaning appliance and as such are confined to bedrooms alternating when that room is vacuumed. Loud barking noises reverberate throughout our house as they must imagine that it is sucking me up too.
    I continue to enjoy your thrice weekly chats that always bring encouragement and joy. Embrace the imperfections as you have been fiercefully and wonderfully made 🙂

    • Heidi I’m so glad you’re enjoying it, thank you! That’s such an encouragement to me 🙂
      After my friend made that comment about vacuuming her dog, another friend, also with a golden retriever said “We used to for a while, but then the dog ate the attachment for it”. Apparently Dyson makes dog vacuum-attachments. Can’t be that unusual if Dyson’s making attachments for the purpose!
      I suppose it makes sense…you can wait for the dog to shed on the carpet and the couch and vacuum them, or you can beat them to it and vacuum the dog.
      Hmmmm.

  3. You are perfect the way you are Megan Sayer….!!! It’s because you are who you are and the way you are, that we love you. (from one of Megan’s friends, but definetly not one of the perfect ones. See I’m not perfect I’m not even sure I spelt that right)
    Loving your blogs..!!

  4. In high school, everyone thought I was perfect. I wasn’t; I was just a perfectionist. I did, however, perfect (verb) the art of being a robot, but I don’t consider myself having succeeded in being perfect at any time in my life. It nearly drove me out of my humanity just trying. I was a walking zombie.

    My best advice to everyone is: do not ever try to go there. If you somehow succeed, you’ll just stop feeling anything. Megan Sayer – you are doing it better just as you are. And by “it” I mean life. 🙂

    • WOW, WOW WOW!! Thank you so much for sharing your experience. I’ve never lived that side of “perfect”, and although I am joking when I talk about wanting to be “perfect like my perfect friends” I realised after I wrote this post that there’s actually a grain of truth behind it – inside I’m still trying to live up to my (now deceased) grandmother’s expectation of who I should be. I rebelled, and disappointed her wildly, but the seed of that expectation is still hidden there. Thank you so much for helping me see the other side, and to get rid of my Grandma’s expectation once and for all by knowing what it would have cost me.
      Wow, who knew blog replies could be so powerful!

      • My drive came from the expectations of others as well. I’m glad that my story touched you! Your Grandma probably had expectations because she wanted to see you excel at life; the thing is, there are so many ways to do that. Just remember to be you!

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