Up, and down. A meditation on grieving.

Sometimes I think that the reason I eat porridge in the mornings, even when it’s hot, is because it cements the grief back down in the pit of my stomach where it belongs, and not up banging around in my face.

I’m old enough to know now that squashing things down is unhealthy, and that things need to be let out. I’m old enough to remember the understanding that after I’ve cried I feel better.

The grief isn’t close enough to my eyes to come though, not today, nor is it buried deep enough to forget. It’s stuck there in the back of my throat, unable to find its way either up or down.

I read an email just now from a friend that I miss and it made me cry. Up, and down.  Now I shall eat porridge.

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14 thoughts on “Up, and down. A meditation on grieving.

  1. Oh Meegs… my heart is going out to you. I just wished I knew what to do or say to make you feel a little better, a little more at peace. But there is nothing because you need to grieve for your Dad. If he wasn’t important to you and you didn’t love him, you wouldn’t have all these feelings. But he was important and he was your Dad.

    Now you know what happens when you bottle things up. So let it out! You have a bucket load of friends with various personalities and traits to cater for whatever needs you currently have… so use them! (And that includes me!) So if you want to have a chat at 2 in the morning about what ever, that is fine with me. And I know that your circle of friends all love you dearly, so I am sure it would be fine with them too.

    xxxx

  2. Consider yourself hugged when you need it – and thank goodness for porridge when you need it. Life does go on and life doesn’t always allow us the luxury of time to grieve but a grief therapist told me a while back to schedule some grieving time each day. Unfortunately when the grief is so raw, it comes up and hits us smack in the face when we least expect it.
    You did an excellent job of describing my experience of grief. Thanks for making it so explicit – you are good at that. Does it help to write about it?

    • Ha! Yes, I know what you mean. And thank you. Yes, we live in an inner-suburb so we’re in no way threatened by the fires, but we have friends who have been forced to evacuate, and friends-of-friends who have lost everything. It’s a hard time down here right now. Praying for change, and soon.

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