Sometimes I think that the reason I eat porridge in the mornings, even when it’s hot, is because it cements the grief back down in the pit of my stomach where it belongs, and not up banging around in my face.
I’m old enough to know now that squashing things down is unhealthy, and that things need to be let out. I’m old enough to remember the understanding that after I’ve cried I feel better.
The grief isn’t close enough to my eyes to come though, not today, nor is it buried deep enough to forget. It’s stuck there in the back of my throat, unable to find its way either up or down.
I read an email just now from a friend that I miss and it made me cry. Up, and down. Now I shall eat porridge.
Megan Sayer 
Grief is a strange beast. There are no easy words. Just that I’m sorry you have to have it with you right now.
Me too. Thanks Suze xx
Yep. Grief is weird and very unpleasant, but it must be done. Praying for you.
Thanks Amanda. I appreciate that.
Oh Meegs… my heart is going out to you. I just wished I knew what to do or say to make you feel a little better, a little more at peace. But there is nothing because you need to grieve for your Dad. If he wasn’t important to you and you didn’t love him, you wouldn’t have all these feelings. But he was important and he was your Dad.
Now you know what happens when you bottle things up. So let it out! You have a bucket load of friends with various personalities and traits to cater for whatever needs you currently have… so use them! (And that includes me!) So if you want to have a chat at 2 in the morning about what ever, that is fine with me. And I know that your circle of friends all love you dearly, so I am sure it would be fine with them too.
xxxx
Thanks Son xxxx See you soon!
It will be nine years this spring since I lost my dad. I miss him still. He was my role model and my fan and the funniest guy ever. I learn from him still. My heart goes out to you.
Thanks Margaret. Sorry to hear about your dad too. They say those feelings of loss never leave you.
Consider yourself hugged when you need it – and thank goodness for porridge when you need it. Life does go on and life doesn’t always allow us the luxury of time to grieve but a grief therapist told me a while back to schedule some grieving time each day. Unfortunately when the grief is so raw, it comes up and hits us smack in the face when we least expect it.
You did an excellent job of describing my experience of grief. Thanks for making it so explicit – you are good at that. Does it help to write about it?
Pat thanks so much. I feel that hug. Yes it does help to write about it. I find writing easier than talking, strangely enough.
I like the idea of scheduling in some grieving time every day. I’ll have to try that.
I feel more comfortable writing about myself than talking.
Take time it will come.
On another note I saw on the news this morning the bush fires over your way, I hope you and yours are safe.
Oh that sounds awful I hope every one is safe but you know what I mean
Ha! Yes, I know what you mean. And thank you. Yes, we live in an inner-suburb so we’re in no way threatened by the fires, but we have friends who have been forced to evacuate, and friends-of-friends who have lost everything. It’s a hard time down here right now. Praying for change, and soon.